Are these stories for real, or are they just myths passed down to us from our ancestors? Either way, we’re betting you won’t forget these Christian urban legends.
1. “Sassy Papa John Runs Anonymous Christian Twitter Account”
Legend has it that the always-sassy Papa John, the owner of the popular pizza franchise Papa John’s, started, runs, and curates the anonymous account, “Lloyd Legalist,” on Twitter. According to the beautiful and potentially-mythical story, Dad Jonathan was seen sending snarky, sassy tweets from this account by best friend and fellow dad Peyton Manning. Papa John sends all of his “Lloyd Legalist” tweets from his strong son Jefferson’s Playstation 3.
2. “The Nasty Sandwich Turtle Of Shane And Shane”
This incredible tale holds that Dove Award-winning singing friends Shane and Shane ate all of their lunches from this incredible, nasty Sandwich Turtle in 2011. Found in a disgusting cellar and converted into a sandwich-compatible reptile, it is believed that this sandwich turtle met all of their sandwich-holding needs for four years. This likely explains the lyrics to their song, “The Reptile Holdeth My Ham And Bread.”
3. “Distraught Jared C. Wilson Meets The Liberty Bell”
The story of the distraught author of Prodigal Church meeting the Liberty Bell for the first time is both beautiful and dark. Legend has it, Jared C. Wilson was buried in fresh dirt up to his neck and berated by a mostly dead-pan Kevin Sorbo. After wiggling, screaming, and shimmying his shoulders for several hours, Jared freed himself and immediately caught a plane to the Liberty Bell. According to the popular legend, Jared said out loud, “If ‘The Bell’ was a human, it too would be distraught like me.” This possibly explains his twenty-six blog posts titled “What We Can Learn About The Finely Crafted Liberty Bell.”
4. “The Gospel Coalition And Way Too Many Website Buttons”
This folk tale comes all the way from the internet. In 2010, a man named Louis Dangles successfully typed thegospelcoalition.org into his Internet Explorer address bar. Legend has it that the popular Christian website absolutely could not load, because it had too many buttons. Due to this unbelievable gaffe, Louis was unable to properly reflect on the movie Inception or the first pick in the NBA Draft John Wall. Hair raising!
5. “Bob Kauflin Holds, Eats, And Vacations With Multiple Meats”
According to this popular folk tale, Bob Kauflin carries beef cuts, fish filets, and various jerky with him wherever he goes. His pockets are filled with the food that carnivorous animals eat as he travels coast to coast to lead worship for Christians. In accordance with this popular myth, Bob Kauflin always keeps a slab of deer venison in his sock for a light snack.