Going Green: A Baby Murder Mill Is Now Totally Eco-Friendly


Due to a remarkable, relentless, and insatiable concern for the well-being of our big blue planet, a Baby Murder Mill in Jackson, Mississippi left the dark ages and is now going completely green in order to save the environment.

“We love the trees,” Linda Hasmerparton, a representative of the mill, told The Daily Cherub while a weird, red liquid dripped from her smock made completely out of human hair. “While we destroy lives residing in the wombs of men who identify as women, womenny-women, and women who identify as men but still have ovaries and junk, we definitely want to leave a small carbon footprint.”

Many who work at the mill are thankful for the change. “We were killing so many dad gum trees and grass,” Dr. Ben Ben-Ben remarked. “My conscious was definitely bothering me. I couldn’t stomach the thought of harming our environment any longer. Imagine the seedlings that never had a chance to sprout because of our environmental ignorance.”

“Yes, we are very proud of the fact that they are recycling everything — and I mean everything,” Cecile Richards, personally responsible for thousands of murdered babies as President of the aforementioned Baby Murder Mill, told us while holding sharp knives between all of her fingers. “We are glad to be a small part of preserving our world for the genetically and economically-privileged children in our society.”

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