As the sun peaked over the Northern Missouri plains early this morning, pedestrian Illroy Tranchard peddled his road bike along quiet Highway 8, hoping to burn a few extra calories before his day began. As he began the descent of a moderately difficult hill, he noticed six elderly gentlemen playing a game of chess and a well-endowed, gross, cow-like creature gleefully standing on the median. As he approached it, he was shocked to hear the nasty creature trash-talking Stephen Altrogge’s new podcast, Only The Good Stuff, with those chess-playing ancients.
“Kevin Garnett, Michael Jordan, Turd Wilkerson, Reggie Miller: That nasty brown cow was head and shoulders above them all when it comes to using words to verbally assault someone’s hard work. The disgusting creature ripped into the intro music, Altrogge’s deep, syrupy voice, and all the time he wastes to accurately recite the lyrics to DC Talk’s ‘Luv Is A Verb,'” said Tranchard.
As Illroy peddled away, tears rolled down his face as he realized something important about life, “Pele once said, ‘Success is no accident. It is hard work, perseverance, learning, studying, sacrifice and most of all, love of what you are doing or learning to do. Quit stuffing that soccer ball in your shirt, Jorge.’ I agree with this statement. No matter what that repulsive cow says, Stephen Altrogge deserves all of our respect.”