Clayton Jennings is really, really tired of being at the center of controversy these days, and this is making us replace all of our drinking water with sauerkraut and causing our shoulders to ishiver! According to sources, Jennings feels Christians are taking him and his loud, handsome “evangelistic” work for granted. By putting so much focus on his inappropriate, physical relationships with several women, as well as the revoking of his ministry license by his home church, Clayton believes we are losing touch with all of his important efforts! Wow!
As much as this concerns us and makes our double-chins sweat and quiver, resulting in a collective yawn that morphs into the screech of a pterodactyl, we are much more concerned with his reactionary protest: he will make us look at him without eyeliner for one day.
“Clayton believes that, by rejecting eyeliner as an appropriate method for accentuating his yellowish-red eyes for one day, we will all come to our senses and want the old Clayton back. We will no longer take his surly wet eyes and hard work on the streets for granted, because black makeup will no longer make his fine eyes sing like the wind of Montego Bay,” sources close to the situation insisted with their hands straight up in the air.
“I’m going to miss the eyeliner that Clayton wore for all of his videos and modeling gigs at those revivals he did. This will make me think twice about taking his modeling work lightly at those public get-togethers where he mentioned some Jesus-words and modeled his nice face. I can see this being an effective method for change,” claimed Phil Forgepants. “A day without eyeliner on Clayton Jennings’ eyes makes one weak.”