They criticize you because they care, but are you spiritual enough to ignore these criticisms from other parents?
1. Your child is mostly a large plate of hotdogs that nobody wants to smell or drop into hot grease.
Get used to your child being criticized for his plate-full-of-hotdogs-like figure and his sordid smell. Being told that nobody wants to drop him into a vat of grease might startle you, but you must move on.
2. Quit reciting all the districts of Brooklyn, New York when you discipline your child.
Your tendency to name these districts of Brooklyn while disciplining your child might get on the nerves of those within ear-shot, but shouldn’t keep you from doing what you believe is best.
3. You are swaddling your handsome, four year-old boy in that other four year-old way too tightly.
You’ve been swaddling your child in another child since he or she was born. You know how all of that works – don’t let the insecurity of others make you feel insecure about wrapping the arms and legs of an equally-aged boy around your child when he gets fussy.
4. If you can’t handle your child’s head exploding into a fleshy jigsaw puzzle that has to be put back together — don’t have kids.
Every parent has to deal with the inconvenience of their child’s head exploding from time to time, which means you have to put it back together. That doesn’t make it any easier. A “Just-deal-with-the-loud-boom” attitude is inappropriate, but stay the course.
5. You really shouldn’t discipline your children while Kyle the Fireman is putting your arms in a bunch of vices.
This is true, but we’ve all made the mistake of saying things we shouldn’t say to our kids while Kyle pinches your arms and legs with his ever-tightening vices. Don’t let this get you down.