9 Christian Public Apologies That Hit The Nail On The Head

"I participated in high-treason and deserve to be shot into space..."

Christians admit they are wrong all the time. Can you imagine, however, being wrong with a spotlight on your every move? Though the pitfalls are great, some Christian celebs hit all the right notes in their public apologies. Here are nine of them:

1. That time Chuck Norris apologized to all of his neighbors for thinking the tornado siren meant that it’s time to name off some birds together: We all know that tornadoes aren’t something to mess around with, as there are hundreds of tornado-involved casualties every year in the United States. Perhaps this why many of us were so upset when we heard that Chuck mistook the tornado siren for some sort of signal to get together as a neighborhood and name as many bird species as possible. “Though I can name as many birds as anybody out there, my heart goes out to all of you who have lost a loved one due to these violent, spinning wind-clouds,” Norris said that day. “Please forgive me for knocking on your door and forcing you to come out of the basement so we can rattle off bird names together.”

2. That one time Candace Cameron-Bure apologized for permitting her husband, Kirk, to gobble up every ounce of Jerry Seinfeld’s homemade gravy: Giving Kirk the  “O.K.”  to waltz into Seinfeld’s multi-million dollar home and slurp up his thick gravy wasn’t the greatest idea, the former Full-House star admitted. “Jerry’s gravy is one-of-a-kind, and Kirk wanted to place his puckered lips deep into the gravy bowl and suck it down till his gut was full with “The Brown,” as he often calls it. I now realize this was not my place to allow Kirk to break and enter into Jerry’s home to carry out his deepest desires.” This apology hit the right note, and everyone was able to move on from the controversy.

3. That time George W. Bush apologized for a clear violation of the “No Razzle-Dazzle Policy” of former Presidents: We all knew 43 as laid back and gentleman-like during his eight-year tenure as US President. That all changed when he decided to break the “No Razzle-Dazzle Policy” that all former Presidents happily adhered to. George knew it was wrong from the get-go, which made this especially egregious. “I am terribly sorry for all the razzle-dazzle I have displayed this past year. It was inconsiderate and wrong to do, and in no way did I intentionally seek to hurt others with either the razzle or the dazzle. I will end this immediately for the good of the country.”

4. The time Melissa Joan Hart apologized to the American public for becoming the first US citizen to ride in the wheelbarrow that Michael Jackson died in: Yeah, it was as bad as it sounds, and the details surrounding it make this act of treason even more sinister. Days prior to the incident, Hart rode all kinds of wheelbarrows through the streets of New York, talking about the “One-Wheeled-Motorless-Home-And-Gardening-Tool” constantly in every TV interview. After riding in the wheelbarrow that MJ died in, we all wondered if she could possibly recover from this — thankfully her apology was on-point. “I participated in high-treason and deserve to be shot into space,” she went onto say.

5 . That one time Jeff Gordon said sorry for driving his race car right out of the Indy 500 and into the thick Everglades to see an alligator: Gordon cost NASCAR millions in sponsorship dollars and TV viewers after leaving the race in the middle of  the three-hundred and thirty-fourth lap of the Indy 500, driving down to Florida to spend some time in the Everglades. Fans might have understood the move, as many of us can relate wanting to see a gator or two, but Jeff Gordon plowed through several small businesses and farmland to get there. His apology was understandably somber: “I have no idea why I didn’t just take the freeway, or just a regular paved road. Driving as the crow flies is dangerous.”

6. When Johnny Cash apologized for screaming and blowing an airhorn at a baboon after realizing he had left his guitar with Michael Phelps’ irresponsible twin brother “Hran”: Nobody had seen Johnny respond like this before, but perhaps it was indicative of just how stinkin’ irresponsible Hran is. Walking through the San Diego Zoo one Saturday morning, witnesses say Cash stopped in his tracks, pulled out an airhorn awkwardly situated in his leather jacket while he let out a high-pitched scream, and blew the horn at an innocent baboon. The event was caught on camera, which led to his well thought-out apology to the entire Nation. “My anger at an irresponsible brother of Michael Phelps should not have led me to react that way towards a baboon.”

7. That time Patricia Heaton apologized for starting an Underground Milk Ring: Illegal activity is never a good way to further one’s career, and it looked like we had see the end of the former co-star of Everyone Loves Raymond. Her apology worked, however. “I am terribly sorry for doing the evil that I have done. I will no longer sully the name of Milk. I will treat it with the dignity it deserves for the rest of my life. However I can further Milk’s cause, I will do it to the best of my abilities and with whatever resources I have.”

8. That time Reggie White apologized for snapping dozens of footballs at Princess Diana: Reggie White’s Hall of Fame career was nearly cut short after Princess Diana told the British tabloids that White, a Green Bay Packer, had hiked dozens of leather footballs at her during a morning jog. White immediately assembled a PR team and apologized to the British Royal, vowing never to do it again: “I am a football player. Football players train in many different ways to stay in tip-top shape. Unfortunately, I made a decision in poor taste, and for that I am very sorry.” Diana forgave him immediately, and Reggie went on to win many games with the Packers.

9. That time Rachel Held Evans apologized for complaining that deer should be more wet, spongier, occasionally brighter: Nobody understood the outspoken feminist and Christian author’s complaint about deer at the time, which is probably why it garnered so much outrage. The general public appreciate how dry and coarse deer are, and have no problem with the lack of light they produce. This was not the case, however, for Held Evans, who posted a long, unfortunate Facebook rant about the woodland creature. Fortunately, Rachel’s apology dug her out of an enormous hole: “Whatever deer are, I want to thank God, our Mother, for them. No longer do I wish ill upon them, as they are simply less-evolved You’s and Me’s. They are perfect just the way they randomly mutated, so for the record, I am sorry.”

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