Last night’s Academy Awards are today’s talk of the town. All your coworkers, family members, and financial advisors will spend the remainder of the day discussing the thrills and frills of what some have labeled “Oscar’s Most Well Lit Birthday Party Ever!” Don’t play the role of the village drunkard and wow your worldly acquaintances with your knowledge of the most Christian moments from last night’s Academy Awards:
1. Leonardo Dicaprio’s 30 minute monologue on the book of Philemon
Part sermon, part stand up comedy, part dirge – this was hands down the most Christian moment in the Oscar’s. Leo first taught his way verse by verse through the New Testament’s “Bonus Round Book,” tried out a comedy bit on Paul and slavery, then ended with a 5 minute funeral song that moved the entire audience to tears. Touching.
2. Jimmy Kimmel serving enchiladas to all nominees who did not win
If handing a piping hot, cheesy Latin-roll of goodness to the nominees who didn’t get to take a small, golden man named “Oscar” home was a kind gesture by Kimmel, who insisted on being called “Jimbo Kimbags” through the entire event.
3. Samuel L. Jackson’s live rendition of Snakes On A Plane
No one expected Jackson to live up to his promise of reenacting the entire flop-of-a-movie known as Snakes On A Plane. As Jackson played not only his role but the role of every other actor and prop live on stage it became evident that this was more than a attention grabbing ploy. This was Jackson’s way of telling the world, “Hey, I’ve made some mistakes and I regret some things I’ve done. But I’m not backing down from my pre-trib stance any time soon.” We heard you loud and clear, Sam.
4. Emma Stone name dropping every book of the Bible in her acceptance speech
We expected some political symbolism, but not this nuclear bomb shell of political activism that Stone dropped on an unsuspecting audience! At first it seemed like Stone accidentally dropped a “Genesis” and then an “Exodus” into her acceptance speech. But once she worked her way to “Isaiah” and “Jeremiah,” all awkwardly blurted mid sentence, the crowd knew she was trying to sprinkle every book of the Bible into her loud, stammering speech. Then she ended it with “Last of all, I want to – Revelations – thank my mother for her support.” That’s when the crowd broke into a hysterical frenzy of somersaults.
5. Mel Gibson yelling “Freedom” from the audience every time the television coverage came back from a commercial break
Few things are more Christian than freedom.
6. The announcement of Waterproof, the sequel to the Christian blockbuster Fireproof
From the looks of it, what Fireproof lacked in scenes of couples on fire that didn’t burn down, Waterproof will make up for in scene after scene of married couples underwater. The news that Jack Black will be playing Dan, the married but struggling Christian guy who owns several cats, is just the icing on the cinematic cake.