The Gospel Coalition recently published an article containing 16 Ways To Promote Unity Amid Political Disagreement, and, boy, are we impressed! However, we noticed there were 5 painfully obvious ways to keep your church from experiencing division over America’s not super-ideal political state. Without further ado, here are 5 more ways to promote unity amid political disagreement:
1. Release a dove into the sanctuary every time a church member adds “this is not a political post” to any social media status update
You will appreciate how this simple phrase removes all divisiveness from any post, they will appreciate naming, grooming, and feeding the hordes of doves that will soon inhabit the rafters of your feathery church.
2. Place life-sized cardboard cutouts of political figures in your fellowship hall
Most congregants have strong feelings regarding a certain Donald Trump, Barack Obama, or the constantly-aging Ralph Hall. However, all of those strong, divisive feelings will subside into hand-holding and whispered poem recitals as church members take turns having photographs taken with a musty, old cardboard cut-out of Marco Rubio.
3. Use any of the following call-and-response chants prior to the sermon to promote unity and fellowship
- Call – “I have political feelings,” response – “Don’t share them, please, don’t share them!”
- Call – “Have you seen my Facebook post?” response – “It was polite and well informed.”
- Call – “Will we divide over politics?” response – “No! No! Not a chance!”
4. Abstain from passing around a portrait of Tom Selleck during worship
Many church leaders think the sight of Selleck’s dark, dreamy mustache would help assuage pent up political frustrations, but this couldn’t be further from the truth. Passing around a painted representation of Selleck’s majestic “nose rug” will only stir up more disunity and hatred.
5. Refrain from wearing a tiny coat and pair of pants on your tie
Dressing up your tie like a tiny version of yourself dangling from your greasy head-holder sounds like a cute way to start conversations at first glance, but it represents a deep, politically charged slap to the face of all who call your church home. Keep your tiny tie-shoes at home as well.