February 15, 2017
These are fool-proof signs that you have guzzled deeply from the murky well of Episcopal waters:
- You refer to ducks by their proper name, the “water chicken.”
- You refuse to ride subways as the thought of being underground makes your bones quake.
- Your mother always tells you “No two Catholics are alike” as she hands you an umbrella with starfish shapes cut out of it each and every morning.
- Your loved ones respect your boundaries, and only come over if they’ve received formal invites.
- You own a total of zero umbrellas that don’t have starfish shapes cut out of them because, hey, you’re water-proof.
- You are skeptical that the postal system was invented solely to spam your mailbox with catalogues and various flyers filled with propaganda that is sympathetic towards the papacy.
- When a friend asks you to sing that karaoke duet with her, you conveniently pull out a bagel from your breakfast satchel and take a bite
- You’re not afraid of mud puddles or other forms of shallow standing water
- You’ve always referred to clowns as “Bethlehem drunkards” and you never go to the circus without your umbrella.
- Squirrels hiss and growl every time you walk down the side walk with your tapestry shoes on.