These Sunday School Memories Keep You Up At Night

Some memories will never leave you. They’re tattooed to your brain like the George Lopez tattoo on Mark Driscoll’s neck skin. In honor of these memories, we’ve done you...

Some memories will never leave you. They’re tattooed to your brain like the George Lopez tattoo on Mark Driscoll’s neck skin. In honor of these memories, we’ve done you the favor of compiling your favorite from Sunday School. Here they are, in no particular order, from least fragrant to most fragrant/moist

1. Your first time learning the song “Oh Jezebel.”

You’ll never be able to forget how she “Jez-a-smells” and her husband, Ahab, was “not that fab.” You have, however, forgotten the punchy bridge about the dogs and the vomit, but not how it made you feel.

2. The time old Mr. Brown laid on the floor belly down and ordered the entire class tried to stand on his back.

You don’t remember the specifics of the lesson – it was either Noah’s Ark or Paul’s First Missionary Journey. Either way, Brown got his point across. “Rubber sole shoes are the devil’s mattresses!” He’d always say.

3. Larry McDonzil yelling “I have angel tears” when he needed to use the restroom.

Mrs. Sundry would always smile from ear to ear as she softly replied, “Single file makes the angels smile.”

4. Making fried onion ring bracelets for Mother’s Day.

5. The time Mr. Brown was out for back surgery and the whole class made him “Get-Well Shoes” out of milk cartons and staples.

6. Getting fruit salad when you could successfully recite the Fruits of the Spirit.

Every kid would take home a large, black garbage bag full of fruit salad at the end of class. It was beautiful and full to the brim. Mom usually threw it away but you would never tell that to Mrs. Sundry.

7. Playing one of David’s mighty men in the Sunday School musical.

You’ll never forget your line: “I’m mighty, I’m brave. Saul’s pooping in that cave!”

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