Jars of Clay is a terrific, beautiful band that really puts on a good show. Winners of several Dove Awards and collectors of old, Civil War-era muskets, JoC concerts can be emotional, fun, and scary. Here are a few items to bring to your next viewing of “The Clay.”
Don’t be afraid to lug that strong machine while in line and use it during the show. Ask your handsome usher for assistance as you loudly shove it through the aisles. Those nearby will appreciate your willingness to share the baler.
9 out of 10 concert-goers regret leaving the generator or electrical poles at home after they’ve snapped all those pictures and surfed the web. Bringing a backup power source like solar panels will save you a lot of trouble
3. Bucket of ham scraps
“Woooo-eeee! Come grab some of my rich ham scraps!” This is what you will forcefully yell as you toss your scraps into the open mouths of your fellow Jars of Clay fans.
4. Sun block
5. Quilt with the faces of the That 70’s Show cast
This will keep you warm, but don’t even bother bringing a quilt unless it has the ugly mugs of those classic characters from That 70’s Show.
6. 16 well-behaved irish wolfhounds
They will retrieve the ham scraps that carelessly fell to the ground.
Instead of singing along, you’ll be blowing this.
8. Maple tree seeds
Wilf the Tree Boy will receive these seeds in exchange for a powerful secret word that will turn all of the important people in your life into hefty bars of gold.
9. Sean Connery
He’s been bugging you for a while, so now it’s time to get this over with. Connery is an 80 year-old man who is unable to stand for a long time but this is the least you can do.
10. Orange traffic cones
Boundaries are important. By setting these cones out you are communicating, “I am one of the best fans and these orange cones represent my wonderful standards for music consumption. Crossing these cones would be like stooping to the level of listening to Mercy Me. Do not cross my cones.”
11. Your fanciest guitars
What people enjoy most is hearing others try their best at playing the song the band is currently playing. Find your fanciest guitar, tape it to your back with bandaids, and play along!
12. A map of Indiana
13. Snake repellent
You will mostly just need this for the beginning of the show when they release a lot of snakes into the crowd to see who is weak and doesn’t deserve their love and entertainment.
14. Steemed, crisp khakis
You really want to fit in? Wear at least one pair of these.