Despite drastically different soteriologies, Ricky Templeton and Tom Gravenickles finally buried the hatchet and became friends this morning.
It has been a difficult seven years for the two strong-willed men, both dealing with a mild irritable bowel syndrome. After Templeton moved from Flipper, Virginia to Oshkosh, Wisconsin in the Spring of 2010, the two have gotten into numerous, ugly spats over the years.
“We were spatting a lot in those days,” an obviously hungry Gravenickles told us. “After I would say something like, ‘Hey, Dilweed! John Calvin had a big hole in his gross back!’ he would immediately yell, ‘You are going to Hades, and there is a big chasm between where I will be and where you will be. There is a 100% chance that, when you feel thirsty, I will not be bringing you anything to drink. Yes, you will ask that I go and tell your family about what you are experiencing in the hot lava of Hell, but I will reject your advances!’ This obviously got me riled up.”
“This would go on an on for hours until we finally decided to lock ourselves in an abandoned shed, and now we are friends,” Ricky Templeton told us from a downward dog position. “Before, he would let soy sauce dribble out of a bottle onto Romans chapter nine in all of my Bibles. I would buy a new ESV Bible, show it to all of my Calvinist brethren, and BOOM! There he was, shamelessly dribbling the salty stuff on my ‘Nine.'”
“Now, after spending ninety-six long hours in an abandoned shed, we feel we can trust again.”